Just a really nice mean girl with a bunch of nothing to say...I'm the root of all that's evil, but you can call me Cookie.


I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you.

my hearth - lifequotesrus (via perfect)

Me about vodka. Not men. Obvs.

(via thetroothandnothingbutthetruth)

Cheese fries and Jagermeister

Anonymous asked
Is it true? Do fat chicks gobble cock better?


Yes, but not nearly as good as your mom does. But with your mom it’s best just to close your eyes and pretend it’s someone else.

He will be here all night. Don’t forget to tip your waitress. But just the tip.

So yesterday my new tamper arrived. It is used to press the ground espresso beans into the portafilter basket.

When I pulled it out of the box, and placed it onto the counter by the espresso machine I figured that what it was, was obvious.

My husband picked it up, twirled it around, looked at me all excited like and before he could speak I said “NO THAT IS NOT A BEJEWLED BUTT PLUG FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY GET THAT GRIN OFF OF YOUR FACE!!”

He was sad for a minute.. I just want to know

A) who would put THAT shape into their precious bung

B) who would keep it on their kitchen counter

You..over there..don’t answer.